12 images

twelve images

one from each month of the year

capturing moments that touched my heart

or became more meaningful

after they were taken and shared.

images that for me

captured the essence of 2010.

January

First early morning walk of the year with my Em

not realising I had captured the birds

until I looked through the photos later on my computer.

February

Many colours. Many emotions.

March

Counting.

Days. Hours. Minutes.

Until the next time.

April

Love. Laughter.

Pure bliss

May

Looking for colour

June

Family time.

A great trip to visit my little sis.

Smiling.

July

Finding joy in little discoveries.

Working my way forwards

one step at a time.

August

A blur

of days running into each other

September
Travel

October

Whispering secrets to the moon

Willing it to smile back at me.

November

Nourishing my soul

Wanting my heart to find peace

while in the midst of

a sea of millions

December

Home

Relaxing

Carefree

Smiling

When words fail

In the almost-perfect silence of the moments just before dawn,


before the birds start singing

before the first rays of golden light streak across the sky

before the sleeping bodies in my home awaken,

I sit at my desk,

dressed in my pyjamas,

the light dimmed,

and play with words on the screen.


I read.

I write.

The words are typed on the keyboard.
But in my mind,

I am sitting face to face with you

deep in conversation

and I can see the smiles on your face
I can hear the laughs,
loud genuine laughs that make me want to laugh out loud too.

I can see the unposed questions

with a tiny raise of an eyebrow.

I can hear the sarcasm in the voice

and yes, the teasing too.

I can see the hurt in the eyes.

Raw. Unmasked. Unable to hide behind the screen.


In moments like this,

I hate that I can't just reach into the screen

and be there

to offer comfort

to smile

to hold a hand in silence

to sense a togetherness

that typed words alone fail to deliver.

In moments like this,

I could do with feeling the arms envelop me

in a big warm hug.

Are you happy?

“Are you happy?
“I am learning to be happy.”

I recently heard this little snippet of conversation between two people
and it made me wonder.
Can you learn to be happy?
If happiness doesn’t come easy to you,
could you perhaps take lessons in how to master it?
Where would I find a happiness manual,
I wonder?

Letting Go of 2010

2010 has been a year of extremes.

Hectic days that flashed by in a whir

woven with

lazy days lying on the beach doing absolutely nothing more

than turn the page of the book in my hands.

Endless laughter

and

unstoppable tears.

Moments of complete bliss

as well as moments of unfathomable sorrow.

As this year winds down

I want to let go of the clutter,

~both physical and emotional~

the trappings of guilt,

the evils of anger,

the inhibitions that act as barricades to my dreams.

I want to believe more in myself,

embrace the happy memories that 2010 has brought me,

laugh even more,

and above all,

hold on

~with everything in me~

to

hope.

Smiles from my little loves

After a 66 day much-enjoyed leave, I started back at work today. Having enjoyed some travel and being home and being just mumma for all this time, I had to more or less drag myself to work this morning. But with an envelope of smiles in my bag, a little something from my little loves, to be opened at work.

They turned out to be little coupons they had cut out from a joke book, making me smile. I loved these two especially:

Gift voucher for a brand new car!

For free!

Terms and conditions: Car pictured is not exact model that voucher holder will get - actual car will have no engine, wheels or brakes, but in most cases, will be the same colour. Car must be collected no later than yesterday.

Your very own invisible coat of many colours!

Instructions: Carefully put on invisible coat and in 30 seconds you will become invisible.*

*If invisibility does not occur within 30 seconds, you may need to wear the coat for a further 156 years before it becomes effective.

Three steps to lunch

1. Wait completely still with eyes glued to the water.

2. Soon as you spot your meal, dive right in.

3. Walk away, with your meal in the mouth.

Some rules are meant to be broken

Who says you can't have ice cream for breakfast?

And, as Em pointed out,

"the ice cream is my calcium portion for the meal."

Sometimes,

that girl of mine

is just too smart.

So tell me...

How can I explain
just how enticing a trail of breadcrumbs is
to a starved soul?
A trail that leads from a desolate land
towards lush gardens that stretch on endlessly?
My hungry heart followed that trail
devouring each morsel in front of me
neither caring, nor
unaware, of where they lead.
How can I express the whir of emotions
as I found myself being thrust suddenly
into a labyrinth,
the grassy fields giving way
to dusty roads that all end in closed doors?
I lose myself in
the anger, the vulnerability, the loneliness,
the sorrow, the anxiety, the fear.
Wandering in the middle of a maze made of
tall walls over which I cannot see,
I am consumed with a cold dark pain
that sears my heart.
How do I now find my way back?
I tell myself that even the best of navigators
lose themselves in new territory.
That, that is after all,
how new discoveries are made.
Yet, deep down,
I know that these are words
to simply comfort my torn soul;
that I may wander this maze
lost within the confines of the icy walls
for always.
How do I keep moving forwards
without letting myself stick
into the mud of despair?
How can I believe in hope,
in the strength it will take
to see me through this struggle?
When those that have been the closest
have forgotten and moved on,
how can I now count on the power of love?

A millimetre at a time

Bit by tiny bit

so slowly

this way

then that
the slender tentacles

guiding the way

sometimes

i feel like that

cautious

wanting to go slow

this way

following what my heart wants

then

quick as i can

that way

not wanting to be stepped on

and crushed

or shoved out of the way

yet again

i like slow

i do

i can go slow

but sometimes

impatience gets in the way

and

i just wish

that there was

something

anything

anything concrete

that i could inch towards

~

As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.
~Seneca~

Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice.

It is not a thing to be waited for; it is a thing to be achieved.
~William Jennings Bryan~

Ballerinas in the air

When the sun
melts into
the reddened sea
the singing cranes
spread out across the
crimson skies
each voice
a distinct voice
glide elegantly

~

Ballerinas in the air

Playing favourites

My favourite time of the day

~well, almost~

Spending time with

two of my most favourite people in the world

engaged in one of their currently favourite activities.

Starting the day with love and laughter.

Little moments of bliss

Quiet early morning walks with my Em

following the tracks in the sand

left by the hermit crabs.

Letting the baby ones run on the playing field of our palms.

and shooting a marathon of photos together.

What would you recommend?

My time away from work

these last several weeks

has meant more time to enjoy reading

which in turn has meant that

I am almost at the end of my pile of

to-read books.

I need therefore to restock

and this is where I need your help.

What have you read this year

~or whenever, really~

that you would recommend?

What did you thoroughly enjoy reading this year?

I really do want to know.

Dreaming of impossible possibilities

Like a bird soaring over the waves

heading towards the rising sun,

dreams gently fly

and hover in the mind

fuelled by the emerging impossible possibility

of a sound opportunity.

The joy of the sun on the horizon

The promise of a new beginning

as an invisible hand

paints the first golden strokes of light

on a pink-blue sky.

A celebratory end

as the sun bids adieu

with a magical show of colours

as it dips into the horizon.

***

I love the peace and joy these times bring

and however many I experience,

I find that each one is always

a little bit different from the others,

but just as beautiful.

Just like each of us.

***

Please visit Meri to see the joy she is sharing.

Po karekare ana

I was twelve when I first heard this song

and it was one of those songs that I instantly connected with

~although, at that age I didn't really have my own tragic love story to relate to!~

I knew the Maori words off by heart

long before I had even seen the English translation.

It is a song that is on the playlist in my mind

and that I often butcher sing as I do chores around the house,

or sang as a lullaby

to the children when they were babies.

I have heard many versions of po karekare ana

~thanks to the time I spent in New Zealand~

but I think Hayley Westenra does it the best.

The English translation of the lyrics, taken from here.

The waves are breaking, against the shores of Waiapu,
My heart is aching, for your return my love.
Oh my beloved, come back to me, my heart is breaking for of love for you.
I have written you a letter, and enclosed with it my ring,
If your people should see it, then the trouble will begin.
Oh my beloved, come back to me, my heart is breaking for of love for you.
My poor pen is broken, my paper is spent,
But my love for you endures, and remains forever more.
Oh my beloved, come back to me, my heart is breaking for of love for you.
The sun's hot sheen, won't scorch my love,
Being kept evergreen, by the falling of my tears.
Oh girl, Come back to me, I could die of love for you.

What day is it today?

I have been on a long break from work

~since leaving on the pilgrimage at the end of October~

Since I returned a few weeks ago,

I have been enjoying being home

and spending time with my loves,

relaxing

and just being.

Lazy days on the beach

or lounging with a book at home,

messing about with paper crafts,

and various projects around the home,

~keeping me smiling and content~

But

with only a week before I have to return to work

I realise that I have my days in a muddle

not recognising either days or dates.

I am perfectly aware of Sunday mornings,

but by the time Monday afternoon comes around,

the week ahead just seems fuzzy

with one day running into another

without breaks in between.

I am perfectly happy being home

and cannot say that I am particularly looking forward to going back to work

in seven days' time.

Mind you,

there is always the chance that I may not recognise the day

when it rolls around.

When all else has fallen...

... it sometimes seems easier to just give up,
but I know deep down
that perseverance is the name of the game.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated.

In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats,

so you can know who you are, what you can rise from,

how you can still come out of it.”
~Maya Angelou~

“If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.”
~Frank A. Clark~

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”
~Mother Teresa~

Apologies ... and a big thank you

Just wanted to take a moment

to say thank you to all those who stop by

at this little place

I call home

in the blogosphere;

a very big thank you to those who linger long enough to write me a comment.

Your thoughts and words of encouragement mean a lot to me.

I read many blogs everyday

and always endeavour to leave a comment

especially if I happen to acquire a new reader.

But I am not always able to comment

~either blogger or time does not allow me to do so~

so, I hope you will excuse me

if you don't see my name among your comments.

It's a hard life

Patrolling the beach, eyes fixed on the water all day.

In search of the next meal.

And when the sun goes down,

retiring for the night;

preparing for another day of hard work.

Smiling into the sunset

I love the calmness of a sunset by the sea

surrounded by the rich hues of nature

as one day ends

and I can start dreaming of a new and better day

for tomorrow.

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams."
~Eleanor Roosevelt~

I want to remember

As the year ends,

I want to reflect on the past twelve months

and savour the moments and emotions that I will hold close to my heart

long after the calendar page is torn.

~

The pride and joy that my children continue to bring me

their achivements, big and small

the many giggles shared

the feeling of contentment as we exchanged stories

and walked together

in the quiet of dawn

or snuggled together to read a book.

~

The laughter shared with family

sitting at the kitchen table,

the essence of home.

~

The sense of peace and calm

through prayer and faith.

Feeding my soul through quiet reflection.

~

Learning to like myself for who I am.

Letting go of fear and guilt

and stripping off the layers to be

just me.

~

Allowing myself to dream

and to believe in fate.

Gazing at the star filled sky

and smiling up at the moon.

~

Celebrating the euphoria of being in love.

Holding on to the blissful feeling of being loved completely.

~

Daring to hope.

Snatches of conversation

You didn't really have a conversation that went on non-stop for ten hours?

I did.

Seriously?

Yes.

You talked for ten hours?

I did.

Non-stop?

No stopping. Not for even a minute.

And you didn't run out of things to say?

Nope. Never had to struggle to think of what to say next. It just all came very naturally.

Wow. That must have been one hell of a conversation.

(Smiling) It was.

And it was just talking? Not an argument?

No. No disagreements at all. Just a lot of talk and and a lot of laughs.

Ten hours. That is amazing.

Yeah well, when it is the right person, time just flies.

Right, that's it. I need to find someone who will listen to me for ten hours and not get bored.

When you do, make sure you hold on to him.

I reckon...

Whether you feel that a part of you is missing

or whether your insides feel a little bit crumpled up

or even if your heart is just not perfectly perfect,

I reckon that you are bound to feel so much more whole,

when you shut down everything else around you,

close your eyes,

and listen to a special rendition of this song that I love so much.

I know that the version that I listen to

~which, by the way, is not the embedded youtube one, however much I like Bocelli~

never fails to transport myself into a happy place.

I'm playing along with Meri's Share the Joy Thursday this week.